*Author's note: Haha, this is a great prompt! Lots of potential.*
"Hey! Welcome to North Korea, the hottest new vacation spot in the world! I haven't seen you here before, you must be a new member. Here, let me take your coat?"
"Yes, the weather's actually quite nice! It turns out that we have a very favorable micro-climate thanks to the sea air blowing in. It lends itself great to surfing or sailing, if you're interested in swinging by the marina. All boats have to stay within the five-mile range to avoid satellite photos, of course, but there's plenty to see nearby. We even built our own tropical reef for snorkeling!"
"Now, what did you make your money in? I don't mean to pry, but it's always interesting to learn where our newest club members are striking it big."
"Electronics components, huh? A real manufacturer - a bit of a throwback! We're getting mostly tech and genetics fellows these days."
"And here, just swipe your gold-plated ID card. I know, it's a bit ostentatious, but Jobs insisted on being a part of the design team, and, well, he sometimes went a little overboard. Now, right this way, and we can get you checked in to the hotel."
"Oh, don't worry about your bags, sir, they'll be delivered to your room once you've checked in. The staff here are very accommodating. All they have to do is participate twice a year in a few staged "poverty" shots for publicity, and in return they get a very healthy wage and full health care. Even dental! Nothing but pearly whites around here, sir."
"Yes, the history? I'd be happy to talk more about that! Most of our new members do tend to be quite curious. It goes against everything they've seen, can't lie on the internet, all of that. Yes, I know. But really, after the whole Korean War debacle, Il-Sung realized that he wasn't going to win against the West in firepower. But he also saw that tourism wasn't working out great for places like Mexico. Those resort towns lacked... exclusivity."
"Not to worry, sir, no screaming infants or fat families from the Deep South around here! Our Eternal President ended up striking a deal with Soros and the Walton family, and they began very quietly distributing around invites to come and visit the place. It didn't take long for the idea to spread through the world's upper crust, and we soon found ourselves with more money than we knew what to do with!"
"No fear of exposure, sir. We still maintain a few 'shanty town' setups on the outskirts - in fact, you and your family could take a day tour if you wished. They're quite fun for the children to run around. Totally safe. As for the resort proper, we have some very fancy equipment jamming any satellites or spies that pass overhead - I can't name names, of course, but you may bump into a few generals around here that have a vested interest."
"Now, for your first stay, I have you booked in the Supreme Leader suite. A king-size bed, living area, walk-in shower, and your room has its own swimming pool. Unfortunately, there is not an added hot tub - Zuckerberg continues to keep our maintenance crews busy cleaning gelatin out of the drains. Oh, how he kids. But you do have a lovely ocean view, and our pristine water quality ensures gorgeous sunsets. And, of course, room service is available twenty-four hours a day. No menu, we do requests only!"
"Please, sir, enjoy your stay. If you need anything, simply ask, and we will do our best to provide. I know you're a bit of a gearhead, and so I wanted to let you know that there is a full garage of finely tuned luxury cars just downstairs that can be taken out on our test track, or on the open road. And your wife may want to peruse our Main Street, where we've just gotten in the latest in Milan fashion."
"As we say here in North Korea, 'Prosperous and great country!'"
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