Book 52 of 52(!): "Ready Player One" and "Armada", by Ernest Cline

Finally, the end of my year!  52 books done - one a week!  And to wrap things up, I'm finishing with one of the most critically acclaimed and bestselling novels of last year - and its more recent sequel, just for good measure.

Both of these books, "Ready Player One" and "Armada", are built around a science fiction premise, but mainly are homages to all things eighties, with tons of references to pop culture, video games, movies, television shows, songs, and more.  Here's a brief summary of each:

In "Ready Player One", it's the future, and the world's gone to hell.  Most people escape into the OASIS, a virtual reality where there are almost no limits on what you can do.  The billionaire founder of OASIS died a decade previously, and left his fortune hidden as an "easter egg" somewhere in OASIS.  The protagonist decides to find this easter egg - but he'll have to hurry, since an evil corporation bent on monetizing OASIS is also after the egg!

In "Armada", the main character is amazed to see a spaceship hovering over his school - and not just any spaceship, but one of the ships from his favorite online game! As it turns out, this online game has been created by the government, secretly training people all over the world to fight the oncoming alien hordes!  It's a situation straight out of a bad B-movie - and, in fact, it seems a little too contrived...

Both of the books are great, with one glaring flaw - others have pointed out that, while Cline excels at many aspects of writing, his female characters are flat and exist basically so the male leads can have someone to flirt with.  At some points, it almost feels like a fan fiction for men to indulge in their "damsel in distress" fantasies.

But despite that single weak point, the rest of the story is great, the references are EVERYWHERE, and the books definitely have a solid, strong plotline.  I'm glad I read them!

And now, on to 2016!

Time to read: 2-3 hours each.

"I don't need flesh to be human."

I often wonder how many geniuses really exist.

Look around you, next time you're out in public.  People everywhere, streaming by, bustling about on the worthless minutiae of their everyday lives.  No one challenges them.  There's no dire, life or death need.  Their requirements for survival are filled, they busy themselves with the tiny, unimportant, trivial details.

They possess no roaring storm to transform their tiny flame of genius into a roaring inferno.  So instead, that little flame gutters and eventually extinguishes itself.

I look around at these others with dismay, sadness, because I used to be like them.

Book 51 of 52: "The $64 Tomato" by William Alexander

Author's note: this is the last Monday of the year - shouldn't this be book 52?  Strange.  I'll do one more book this week, then.

Gardening.  No, not gardening, farming.  It always feels like a great hobby, the purest way to give back to Nature, create the freshest and healthiest food, and save money on a grocery bill.  What could be better than growing your own fruits and vegetables, with nothing but sunlight, soil, and water, and eating them all year round?

This, at least, is how William Alexander feels at the beginning of his book, and I have to say that I echo his sentiment.  However, as he soon discovers when he actually purchases some farmland and starts growing, Nature has other plans.

Layover

Slumped back into the sagging bench seat at the airport, I gazed around at the rush of humanity around me as music blared into my ears through my headphones.  I did my best to keep my eyes moving, trying not to linger too much on any one face in case they caught my covert attention.

It certainly was a busy time at the airport, I noted, adding sourly a moment later that this was probably why my flight ended up being delayed as well.  Stuck in this place for another couple of hours, waiting for them to finally call over the half-incomprehensible intercom that the plane had finally arrived and was ready for boarding.

Abducted! - Part 2

Continued from Part 1, here.

Twenty minutes or so, I had to admit that we were thoroughly, hopelessly lost.

When I glanced over at Elena, the language barrier between us didn't prevent me from seeing that she felt the same way.  I could read it in the hunch of her shoulders, the padding of her feet where she'd previously hopped along, excited to be free.

"Pretty dull, isn't it?" I remarked, more just to fill the silence than because she'd understand.

Glancing back at me, she commented something back, although I couldn't understand a word.

No, wait - I caught one of the curse words she'd taught me in there.  I grinned, and she smiled sympathetically back.

Book 50 of 52: "Bad Paper" by Jake Halpern

Debt.  We all know that it's bad, but we only recently saw the impact that it can have on our entire economy in the crash in the most recent decade.  But just how does owing $5,000 for a car loan, or $300 for a payday loan, or $210,000 for a zero-money-down mortgage lead to problems with the entire stock market?

And what actually happens to all the debt?

[AGttA] Chapter 1: The Angel and the Furby

The Amateur's Guide to the Apocalypse

Axiom 1: Remain calm.  

Holy shit.  Oh my god.  Oh my dear, jumping, Jesus Christ of a god.

I'm going to die.

Yep, this is it.  Right now.  Totally going to die, any second now.  Better just close my eyes, accept my fate, and wait for it to be over.

...or not, maybe.

Hmm.

Abducted! - Part 1

Feeling thoroughly disoriented, I struggled up to my feet, looking around.  Good lord, I must have had more to drink at the bar than I remembered.

As I looked around, however, still rubbing at the back of my head, I started to realize that something else was very wrong.

I stood in the middle of a small room, with white walls, floor, and ceiling.  The room appeared brightly lit, although I couldn't tell where the light actually came from.  Were the walls themselves glowing?

More importantly to me, however, was the fact that I saw no door in the walls.

Book 49 of 52: "Expedition to the Mountains of the Moon" by Mark Hodder

I think I'm getting my fill of steampunk fantasy this year!

For anyone who's been following along, I've been reading all of Mark Hodder's Burton & Swinbourne series, although I haven't read them in order.  The true order is:

The Strange Affair of Spring-Heeled Jack
The Curious Case of the Clockwork Man
Expedition to the Mountains of the Moon
The Secret of Abdu El-Yezdi
The Return of the Discontinued Man
The Rise of the Automated Aristocrats

I, however, have read them in the following order: 5-2-1-3-6.  I haven't found book 4 yet.

This makes things confusing...

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Seriously, give it a look.  It includes a plucky female heroine, a rather sarcastic angelic guardian, sneaking into Hell via the back entrance (located in the DMV), multiple celestial beings getting pepper-sprayed (it's nothing they don't deserve), people nearly vomiting from inter-planar travel, a climactic showdown for the fate of the entire Earth, and spiky demonic toilets.

And if that doesn't describe the perfect novel, well, I don't know what you want.

It Just Kept Spinning

Sometimes, when something strange happens to you, it's best to just roll with it.  Or spin with it, in this case.

In other words, I'm glad that I've always had the mind of an engineer.

Also, that I happened to be playing with the magnetic trick coin when it happened.

Let me set the scene.  Friday night, about seven at night.  I'm sitting at my crappy little dinner table, fiddling with the coin absent-mindedly as I'm staring at my phone, sitting on the table.

She still hasn't texted back, of course.  Isn't that how life always goes?  Everything was great, we were joking, laughing, tons of texts flowing back and forth.  And then, I ask her out - and suddenly nothing, silence.

Sucks, man.  I hate that feeling, especially considering how frequently it seems to be a part of my life.  Losing.  Always losing.

Just once, I thought to myself savagely as I flicked the coin across the table, I'd like a win.

After the supervillains have won...

The heels of my shoes clicked smartly against the floor as I approached the double doors of the Oval Office.  I paused for a moment outside the doors, checking my hair and running my eyes one last time over the contents of the leather file in my hands, and then stepped through.

"Sir?  I have the latest reports," I called out to the high-backed leather chair behind the President's desk.

The chair slowly rotated around.  I carefully avoided rolling my eyes.  The last intern to roll his eyes at the theatrics of our leader had ended up "volunteering" as a test subject for an Explosive Growth Ray, intended to boost meat production by super-sizing cows and pigs.

As it turned out, the "Explosive" part worked a lot better than the "Growth" part.  I heard that the janitors had to scrub the ceiling down for days before they got it all cleaned up.

Book 48 of 52: "Overwhelmed" by Brigid Schulte

Ever feel like there just aren't enough hours in the day to accomplish everything on your checklist?  Have you considered giving up on your checklist, because you'll never finish it?  Heck, do you ever feel like your to-do list is growing faster than you can cross things off?

I know I've felt this way before.  So when I saw the cover of Brigid Schulte's book, Overwhelmed, I hoped that I might find some answers inside.  How can I avoid that crushing mental exhaustion of always feeling, well, overwhelmed?

Planning: An Amateur's Guide to the Apocalypse [AGttA]

Author's note: I'm not yet done with my current novel (Apocalypse Before Coffee, coming soon!), but I'm already plotting out my next story.  I'm starting with a working title:

An Amateur's Guide to the Apocalypse

The book is going to be divided up into several chapters, each one built around a different "survival tip" for the Apocalypse, the Biblical end of the world!  The main story, however, will follow a single character, a young man, as he attempts to journal his continued existence as the world comes crumbling down around him.

Ten essential steps to surviving the Apocalypse:

1. Remain calm.  Take stock of your surroundings.
2. Gather supplies.
3. Search for other survivors.
4. Keep clear and open communications.
5. Learn as much as possible.
6. Formulate a long-term plan.
7. Remain positive.
8. Adapt to setbacks.
9. Don't lose hope.
10. Find what makes you happy.

The book will be split into ten smaller sections, each one based around one of these ten steps.  The rest of the story will be in the form of a journal, kept by the main character, Quinn, as he attempts to stick to his ten 'easy steps' - or, at least, survive!

Unfortunately for Quinn, surviving the Apocalypse isn't quite as easy as the ten-step survival guide makes it sound...

I plan on writing many of these chapters as blog posts, so stay tuned for more information - coming soon!

Nebulous Nightmares

"You all don't understand!" the man cackled, rocking gently back and forth.  "You don't know them, don't realize just how they are.  Ohh, they hunger, but for so much more than you ever can know!"

He didn't seem to see me, I noted, even though he sat directly across the metal table from me.  His hands were attached to a ring on the table via metal cuffs, but he ignored how the bracelets tugged at his hands when he rocked back in his chair.

"Doctor Angell," I repeated, waiting for the man to return back to a more lucid state.  "George, it's me, Francis.  Please, try and stay calm."

Dr. Angell's eyes briefly focused on me, but then they darted off again as he kept on rocking back and forth, now muttering indistinctly to himself.  He always did eventually come around, but as of late it seemed to take longer and longer.  His mind's grip on reality, the doctors at the sanitarium said, was slowly slipping away.

I didn't know how much longer I had before he'd lose that tenuous grip and fully slip away.